Tomoe's Head
by Roxius
Summary: Alone in a subway car, Madoka has a conversation with Tomoe's living head, and then other things happen. CRACK. Please R & R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

A/N: I'm pretty sure something like this has been done before, but I'm not even going to bother looking it up. Plus, I kinda wrote this with only looking at the wiki so don't expect clear-cut accuracy.

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><p>Madoka Kaname was alone in the subway train car.<p>

She looked down one end of the car, and then the other. There really wasn't anyone else around. It was strange; even when it was this late at night, there were always people riding the cars. It was why they had to run 24-7. She thought about how the passengers had moved to the next car not long after she got on. Nothing like that had ever happened before. A chill slowly crawled up her spine; she hated being all alone.

Especially when she had a living human head sitting in her lap.

"...Madoka?"

Madoka glanced down. She saw Mami Tomoe, who had seemingly died in the battle against Charlotte the witch, staring back at her. Madoka felt another shiver. The blonde girl was smiling as usual, despite lacking anything below her chin.

"Y-Yes?"

"You don't seem very happy; did I do something wrong?" the head asked.

Madoka stared back at her, unsure of what to say. She was starting to understand why everyone else had left the train car. A talking, disembodied head was incredibly disturbing to see, no matter the circumstances. Even though it meant her friend somehow survived death. Madoka wished that she had just let Sayaka take it instead.

"I'm just...a bit concerned about you," Madoka finally said.

"About me?"

"Of course. You lost your body, yet you're still alive! I'm glad you're not gone, but this doesn't make any sense!"

Tomoe laughed. "Oh, don't worry about it; I believe it is because of my soul gem's magical power that I am still able to survive. It was just fortunate enough that my head was still in-tact after Charlotte was destroyed. Of course, I doubt this magic will last forever, and without a body to sustain that magic, it continues to leak out of me. I will eventually die for real."

"What? Are...are you sure about that? Is there anything we can do?" Madoka truly wanted to help Tomoe in any way that she could. She didn't want to have to watch her friend die in front of her...again.

"We need to get me a new body, and soon."

The color drained from Madoka's face. "A-A new body?" she stammered.

"Yes. My original body...I'd much rather use it if I could, but it is long gone now. I can't get it back."

"Oh no!"

"That means we should look for a totally new body for me!" Tomoe beamed.

Madoka couldn't believe she was actually hearing this. Her life had gotten way too out of the ordinary for her liking.

"How am I supposed to do that?" she asked.

"Well, I'm sure there must be a cemetery or something around here, right?"

"What?"

Tomoe laughed again, but this time it was curt. "All you have to do is dig it up, and make sure to remove the head first. If you're lucky it might already be missing its head. Be careful not to get too much blood on everything. I would also greatly appreciate it if you brought me a woman's body with proportions similar to my original; I'd like to be able to continue wearing my old clothes when I return home. It needs to be around my age for that purpose, then, too. And it needs to be fresh, because it wouldn't be very good for me to have a body that's in the process of rotting. I'm sure you can get Sayaka to help you, right? I'm counting on the both of you."

Tomoe had said all of this in such a nonchalant manner of speaking that Madoka could hardly believe it. There was no way she could do this. She wanted to save her friend's life, true, but to actually go and deface a burial site, steal a corpse, and chop off its head was just too much. She wasn't some kind of psychotic criminal, nor did she want to be thought of as one. Even worse, how would she find a 15 to 16 year old girl's body with breasts that would match Tomoe's? It was an impossibility.

'I suppose this will have to be my wish for Kyubey, then...' she thought with some disappointment.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

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><p>Eventually Madoka got off of the subway train, the disembodied head of her friend hidden securely inside of her book-bag. She had been careful not to close the zipper all of the way so as to allow Tomoe to breathe. As she waded her way through the crowds, the pink-haired girl realized she had never experienced such feelings of anxiety before in her short-lived life. She didn't want to risk bringing any attention to herself, and that meant keeping the talking head out of sight. She was constantly checking inside the bag just to reassure herself that everything was fine. Nothing ever changed no matter how many times she looked.<p>

Tomoe, however, was becoming more than a little concerned about her friend.

"Madoka, what're you doing? You don't need to worry about me going anywhere," she said in a slight joking tone, as if this entire situation was nothing more than some kind of silly game.

"I know, that, but I just really don't want to cause more trouble; there were people who already saw you on the subway car, after all,"

"Nothing bad is going to happen, Madoka! I'm sure of it! You really need to relax and take a deep breath; you could get ulcers in your stomach if you get stressed too much,"

"U-Ulcers?"

Yep." Tomoe blinked, "Ulcers. Lots of them."

"Ulcers..." Madoka hadn't considered those.

They stared at each other for a few seconds. And then they continued on. It did not take long for them to leave the station and return to the surface. They were now back in Madoka's hometown, a quaint little place. The pink-haired girl's parents were sure to question her about her whereabouts once she returned. As she walked along the sidewalk, she racked her brain for a believable lie to tell them; who was going to truly believe her about a talking cat alien, magical girls, and witches that could turn into flesh-eating monsters anyway?

"Oh, Madoka, wait a minute, are we going back to your family home instead of the local cemetery?" Tomoe suddenly spoke up, breaking Madoka's train of thought. The disembodied head had been eating through one of Madoka's candy bars. Although the pink-haired girl didn't mind letting her friend have it, she still wished she had asked beforehand. Plus, it didn't make much sense for someone without a stomach to even bother eating.

"Um, yes, that's right..."

"Well, then, it's only polite for you to introduce me to your parents, isn't it? You can't just bring a friend into the house without making sure they are acquainted with the folks. Besides, if they are able to raise someone to be such a good girl as you, I'm sure they must be lovely people! Maybe we could have dinner with them,"

"W-Wait a minute, Tomoe! You know there's no way I can do that! After all, you're-" Madoka started to say, but Tomoe cut her off with a heavy sigh.

"Because I'm just a head, right? Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I just got so excited about everything...it would be best if you kept me hidden in your bag...so forget what I said."

As she stared at the disappointed look on Tomoe's face, Madoka felt her heart fall. She couldn't believe what she had done. She had taken Tomoe's unnaturally jovial attitude for granted. Of course, the one most upset about having a decapitated head around would be the decapitated head itself. Tomoe had lost the body she had grown up with, and would have been dead long ago if it wasn't for the soul gem's power. Madoka felt tears swell in the corners of her eyes. How could she have let herself act so insensitive to a friend?

"Oh, Tomoe, I'm so sorry...I promise, I'll try and find a way to get you a new body, even if I have to make that my wish for Kyubey!"

"Madoka...thank you," Tomoe was clearly touched by her friend's proclamation, but then she said, "Well, although I may not be able to meet your parents, I will be able to watch you while you sleep, which is good enough for me!"

Madoka was speechless.

Suddenly, before their inane conversation could go any further, a hooded figure leaped out of the bushes. He was wearing a hockey mask over his face, and in his right hand was a sharp knife. Madoka took a step back in surprise. Tomoe couldn't see what was going on from within the bag, but she could tell by her friend's face alone that something was wrong.

The knife-wielding man let out a cocky little laugh. "Well, well...what luck to find someone stupid enough to be walking out this late at night, and a young girl too! The weakest prey! Hand over all of your money, and maybe I won't have to slice up that pretty face of yours!"

"I...I don't have any money! I spent it at the subway station!" Madoka stammered out. She was telling the truth. She was so afraid; unlike Tomoe, she didn't have any magical power of her own, at least not yet. She had no way to defend herself. If she tried to call the police, she would just be attacked. Her knees started to knock. The knife was brought just a little closer towards her personal space.

"Don't lie to me!"

"I'm not lying!"

"Show me what's in your bag!"

"...What?"

"Your bag! I bet you're just hiding something in there! Take it out! All of it!"

Madoka winced; she didn't like the way this man was yelling at her. Nor did she like the way he was carelessly waving his blade around. The pink-haired girl lowered her hand into the bag, keeping her eyes focused on the mugger. She clumsily shuffled her hand around to try and pick up something, while also avoiding to grab Tomoe's head. However, this attempt did not last long when she suddenly felt her hand become enclosed in something soft...and slimy. The bile steadily rose inside of her throat.

'Oh my god...' she thought. She was afraid to look down.

"Madoka...Madoka...what're you doing?" she could hear Tomoe hastily whispering from inside the bag.

"Hurry up! Show me what you have!" screeched the masked man. He waved his knife again, the diamond ring on his index finger sparkling brightly in the moonlight.

Madoka had no choice. She pulled her hand out of the bag. She was laughing meekly all the while. Her hand had become deeply embedded inside the hole on the underside of Tomoe's head; the hole that once was apart of her neck. Warm trails of blood were slowly trickling down her thin arm. Tomoe was laughing as well. It was like a scene straight out of a horror movie, or at least a parody of a horror movie. The mugger dropped his knife, screamed at the top of his lungs, and ran for his life. Eventually he had completely disappeared from sight.

"My, my...that was alot of fun!" Tomoe chimed. Madoka could only sigh. She was just thankful that she had been saved.

Madoka was able to make it back home without any further trouble. Her parents were more grateful that their beloved daughter was okay than upset that she had come home so late. However, she was still punished with no dessert, not that Madoka would have wanted it; she wasn't much in the mood for eating after what had just happened. She felt like throwing up every time she thought about it. Nonetheless, the young girl polished off what she could, and then darted up to her room with her book-bag.

"Thank you for taking care of me, Madoka! And it's a good thing you were able to get your hand out of me in time!" Tomoe was saying as Madoka placed her onto her desk, "Wouldn't we have looked silly to your parents if my head was stuck on you like that?"

"Yes...we would have..." Madoka replied breathlessly. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take. After the subway train ride, then Tomoe's jokes about watching her sleep, and that unexpected mugging...it was all becoming too much. She was beginning to wonder if she had gone insane from grief, and she was only imagining that she was talking to Tomoe's head right now. This could all be some sort of sick, twisted dream caused by the witches. She also wondered where Sayaka had run off to; the blue-haired girl hadn't even bothered to call her.

"You two seem to be having fun," a very-familiar voice spoke up from behind her. Madoka turned around to face her bed; sitting on top of it, looking quite comfy, was Kyubey. The white, cat-like alien was nibbling on what appeared to be a bloody finger. It had a ring on it.

"Kyubey! What're you...what're you doing here?"

"I came here to check up on you, of course, because I had the inkling that you were about ready to make your wish and form a contract. I'm surprised that you were able to keep Tomoe alive, too. You're not as useless as I had initially suspected." There was no hint of emotion on the creature's face as it spoke, nor did it even blink. Madoka had never noticed this before, and it frightened her.

"Um...thanks? Kyubey, I really need your help! Tomoe...she was able to stay alive because of her soul gem, but she's going to die soon without a body! What can I do?"

Kyubey looked at Madoka, then at Tomoe's head, then back at Madoka. "...I may have an idea. I may be only interested in getting you to become a magical girl for my own personal gain, but I still possess something that could be considered a moral structure. You deserve the chance for a more worthwhile wish, and I need all of the magical girls on my side as I can get. I will be back by tomorrow morning. Make sure that Tomoe does not die until then."

"O...Okay..." Madoka just dumbly nodded her head. Kyubey swallowed the rest of the finger whole, and jumped out of Madoka's open window, vanishing into the darkness of the night. Madoka couldn't help but feel somewhat concerned. Kyubey seemed trustworthy enough, but his actions were still questionable. She couldn't tell if he was friend or foe. These thoughts weighed heavily on her mind as she walked over to pick up Tomoe, who was busy doodling by holding a pencil with her teeth. She had to keep a close eye on her friend's head until Kyubey returned.

"Don't worry, Tomoe; even if you die, then I'll just make my wish to bring you back to life!"

"Oh, Madoka, you're so sweet to me, even though I don't ask anything for it. I'm sure your Sayaka friend would be jealous, heh heh heh,"

"I-I don't think she would be!" Madoka stammered, although she greatly suspected Sayaka really would be.

Madoka tried to stay awake throughout the night, but eventually she gave in and fell into a deep slumber. When she awoke the next morning, she was more than a little surprised to find that Tomoe's head was gone. She looked all around for it; behind her pillows, underneath her bed, and around by her desk. It was nowhere to be seen. She felt her heart-beat quicken; had her mother come in and taken it? Did she throw it out? Where did Tomoe go? Madoka fell to her knees. She didn't know what to do.

'Tomoe...what happened to you?'

"Oh, good morning, Madoka! You look well-rested!"

Madoka raised her head; she saw Tomoe smiling back at her. And she had her body back. Her original one. Sitting ever so casually on her shoulder was Kyubey. Madoka started to cry despite herself.

"Tomoe...you're okay! You're okay! But how?"

Tomoe chuckled. "It's quite simple; Kyubey was able to recover my soul gem for me. It has the ability to heal the wounds that a magical girl suffers, and it helped me completely regenerate my body overnight!"

"Seriously? That little thing? It was able to reform your entire body?"

"I'm surprised it worked too, although Kyubey here had known about it all along."

"Of course, I did," Kyubey interjected, "I'm the one who made them for you. It has to be powerful enough to repair limbs or organs. After all, being just a head without a body...well, that's no way to get AHEAD in life!"

Kyubey broke out into feverish giggles, something very much unlike him. Madoka laughed. Tomoe laughed. And then the world was destroyed by the witches.

And that was the end of one of the thousands of time-lines that existed throughout time and space.


End file.
